its always great to have
those people who let
you be yourself.
so heres to megans
two bottles of water,
my five cups of coke, &
millies two glasses of
sundrop.
for without them
we would not have
had the night we
just had.
where we laughed
until we practically
peed our pants.
and took pictures
until all we saw
were flashes blinking
in mid air.
this, my friends,
is how to make memories.
grab the camera.
grab your friends.
and grab hold of the moment.

and with those friends,
promise to never post
them on myspace.

oops.

i love you megan & mills!
heres to two wonderful, fabulous and beautiful girls!

lisajune.

all day friday.
this is what my
lobster & i did.
season two.
back to back episodes.
jack saved the world.
again.
and you,
you dont know jack.

(seriously, its three
o’clock & i havent
showered…zack &
i have been on the couch since 930).
just bathroom breaks.

i dont remember the last time
ive watched this much television.

when you can
look & act
like this…
together.
thats just how you know.

introducing my lobster.
he loves me for me.
he takes me for me.
and he puts up with me.
case closed.

but this is how you know.

to laugh.
to get ice cream.
to think.
to meditate.
to breathe.
to eat taco bell.
to smile.
to spend time with your Creator.
to get to know your Savior.
to meditate on His word.
to listen to Him.
to dance with Him.
to walk.
to have a family dinner.
to visit the art museum.
to get “dolled up”.
to love.
and to have fun!

pathways.

its been said
that there are
many paths in life.
but I believe
i think its
been revealed [to me]…
that there is
only one;
one path.
one path? (you may say).
one path.
my Savior makes
one path.
when we choose to not follow His
path—we make
our own.
we do not choose
to take
another pre-made
path.
we choose to make our own.
He makes one path.
because one is
sufficient.
His way is enough.
more than enough.
our path we
make is made
with our own
decisions.
so when we
hit bumps on the path;
they are our own bumps.
He did not design
this path for you or for me.
our path =
our own agenda.
our own timing.
our control.
our own.
oh, but His path…
is beyond enough.
every turn.
every bump.
every crack
has been designed for you
and for me.
and for “such a time as this”.
He has custom
designed each
challenge.
victory.
trial.
tribulation.
event.
circumstance.
joy.
every detail of His creation,
His pre-determined way
has been specifically designed
to fit
my
[&&yours]
strengths.
weaknesses.
calling. and
purpose.
so…there is one path.
already set forth.
for me.
for you.
will you make your own?
or will you let Him show you
around His neck of the woods???…
let Him show you
your pathway.
the one.
one path.
made just for you.
{&&me}. 

Psalm 16:11… “You will show me the path of life….”  lisa talks: it says that you will show me the path, not a path. i do not believe that our Father has made several different paths for us to choose from. i believe that He has made one. its really that simple. are you going to take that one path, that may be sacrificial or seem never-ending or even a dead end…or are you going to walk by faith on the pathway that He has set out for you. He has laid a major foundation so that you can freely walk through life and the best part is that on this one path…He walks with you. next to you. he talks to you; conversates with you. he loves on you. he yearns to talk & be intimate with you. imagine that…the creator of all things, knower of all things, god of all the heavens and earth…stands right beside you holding your hand, dancing with you, drying your tears, and breaking shackles and chains that hold you bound. sounds like a good deal to me.why don’t you try your own pathway today?lj.

i go to prayer on wednesday nights. and i honestly love it.
grabbing the microphone and telling everyone is a different story.
this following is a prayer i wrote a few weeks ago that i wanted to share.
maybe you feel the same way.
maybe you do not.
either way, its my blog and i’ll post it if i want to!

lord, show me new ways to show &
give love.
show me lord how to take your image & turn it into actions.
lord-you are the very essence of love.
people dont reject love without hurt.
you do not hurt.
our fleshly bodies & fleshly attitudes/actions/words….
have hurt && wounded.
we are the ones who have caused others to reject you.
so i pray, i declare that this day forward
[as your daughter]
i will NOT be the reason someone rejects you.
i declare that i will take the word &
i will put it into action.
i will engage it so others are drawn unto you.
if we constantly walk in love–
every aspect of 1 corinthians 13, love it will be
so completely evident that it will only
reach & embrace.
there will be no rejection or hurt.

lord may we become a people,
who if we know anything about anything, its love.
love…help us to
grasp it.
understand it.
engage it.
enforce it.
&& act on it.

god may you always be our quality control.
may all of our words.
actions.
thoughts.
go through you so its only of your quality.
may my quality be your quality.
may it not be based on flesh.
may it been the image of your heart.
your love.
let it not be any less than you are the very essence of.
may we become so saturated that we stink of your love.
may it be a “disease”.
may our symptoms include our
thoughts.
actions.
words.
intentions.
every aspect that is under flesh may we drench in
love.

me.
im not good at eye contact.
in fact i suck at it.
i find it hard to let people look in my eyes.
cause then they see my soul. and my heart.
im not always willing and ready to let
anyone peek inside.
so its better if i blink a lot. or look another way.
that way i dont let you in too far.

i would rather write.
its like a safeguard.
where i can use my words discreetly and maturationally (thats for mandy)
and get enough out there to let you know what
i might be feeling but still hideaway.
my words let me express things.
that i want to.
but my eyes are the windows to my soul.
and not just anyone can look in.

so.
through my words.
through my fingers as i type.
through the ink as i write.

i bare some part of me.
just enough.
im not sure if im ready to let you in.

but one day.
youll find out.

at prayer tonight i had major revelation.
im going through brokeness.
and i think im going to need more.

i want to do so many things.
i want to know so many things.
i know i have to crawl before i walk.
and walk before i run.
but i just wanna dash.
and thats hard.

i want to be used.
i want to glorify Him in all i do.
i dont want to be status quo.
i want to be intimate with him.
i dont want fear anywhere near me.
or my life. or my spouse. or my children.
i want an amazing, spirit-led life.
i dont want to settle for ordinary.
i want to pursue Him. and then i want to catch Him.

the thing is i so desire to be like christ.
i have issues.
i have an attitude.
and im moody.
(i see you nodding…dont worry…i am aware of this).
i build walls.
i have trust issues.
if you make me mad, you know.
[i dont handle those issues with love a lot...i know, i know].
i despise laziness and ill tell you (not in a loving way usually).
i currently feel betrayed.
and i feel uncomforable.
i dont like obligation.
i dont like confrontation.
im overly protective of my family.
[in a bad way].
i actually like to be alone.
but dont want to feel all alone.

see my faults? im not afraid.
im not proud either.
what i am is ready for change.
ready for brokeness.
ready for humiliy.
ready for honor.
ready for unity.
ready for impartation.
ready for revelation.

im ready.
so here i am lord.
do what you need to do.
im ready (i hope)

in you i live and move and have my being.
in you there is nothing i cannot do.
in you there is healing and restoration.
in you there is a hope and a future.
in you in where i find peace and joy.
in you is love.

im ready for my spiritual makeover lord.
im ready for change.

brokeness.

laying in bed.
watching “friends”.
thinking.
my mind wanders.
this is the first time i have experienced “relaxation” since…
i cant remember.

so here goes my stream of consciousness…
(my favorite way to write obviously)…

the root of all things: love.
nothing can occur properly nor can one pursue destiny,
without love.
love is the basis.
the foundation.
without love, i am nothing.
without love, i am a clanging symbol.
without love, i cannot experience love from another.
without love, i cannot minister.

the root of all that jesus did was love.
he did not do things out of obligation.
duty.
responsibility.
or ‘have to’.

love.

so what is love?
what does it feel like?
my silly interpretations:

peace that is undeniable. soothing.
where my breathing is steady. and perfect.
a heartbeat that is in tune with him.
wind that blows across my face on a sunny day.
rocking chairs that dont squeak.
yet provide enough movement to make you feel like you
are five and on the merry-go-round.
beachwalks, where the air is fresh and the waves
are crashing against the shore.
like swings at the park. that let me be playful.
and smile. and laugh.
like a perfect eyebrow waxing with an arch .
watching ‘friends’ with friends.
clapping to the theme song. and laughing with phoebe…
“cause youre crazy, ya know like crazy straws”.
riding in the car singing with your boyfriend:
hymns, hip-hop, worship, songs of our own.
laying in bed eating doritos with a glass of wine.
rolling down the windows and blaring celine dion with ashley.
eating grapes. and drinking room temperature water.
wearing sandals in the spring and summer.
getting a french pedicure.
texting….and im-ing.
friends praying for my healing.
deliverance from fear. and getting freedom.
getting my hair done by lindsey.
looking at pictures by millieholloman.com
and appreciating my friends extreme talent.
writing songs and poetry.
even if they dont make sense to anyone but me.
curling my hair and feeling girlie…
despite wearing camo shorts and a tank.
walking with my mom and dad.
talking to them about life and my lord.
thinking about my future.
and my children.
teaching and the kids that made an impact on me.
even josue. and colton. and alex. and shaun.
and joshua. and dallas. and steven. and c.j.
they taught me patience. self-control. gentleness.
they brought me joy and peace.
and taught my about love. and how love surpasses
all circumstances.
like playing bunco with 11 girls.
who love a good time, a glass of wine, and good music.
like nike tennis shoes to match every outfit
(thank you ms. jordan).
the colors brown, green, red.
like my lobster holding my face,
looking in my eyes,
and kissing my forehead.
holding me tight.
protecting me.
and making me laugh. even when i dont want him to.
like finding banana republic jeans on sale for:
$20.00.yeah so thats it.
for now.i know im a dork.
but life is great.
it really is.
i know it gets hard.
but what about the simple things?
that we take advantage of?
those things up there:

thats how i know my savior loves me.
no matter how silly.
i know.

lj.

love.
love more.
love more not out of obligation.
love out of a genuine heart.

it occurred to me tonight.
at prayer.
holy spirit spoke to me about: love.
the very essence of christ was love.
he is love. he was love. he loved.
everything about him exemplified love.
well, i dont know love.
christ always showed his love, continually through everything and everywhere we look.
i, however, have never allowed myself to open up
and accept this love.
i know tough love.
build walls. “you can’t hurt me” love. (sounds like an oxymoron).
the “i can do this by myself, cause i need to prove something” love. (again: oxymoron).

i dont know what love is.
i honestly and truly do not.
i dont understand it.
i havent experienced it.
i have no earthly idea why it is the way it is.
and now i know why i struggle with love.

how can i give a genuine love if i do not know what it is?

i told my best friend. i repented to him for not loving him the way that i should.
i told him that i now understood why love was so difficult for me.
i repented and asked him to forgive me.
i repented to my savior for being so ignorant and building these walls…
and not being willing.

father,
show me true love.
destroy the walls that i have built to “keep ‘it’ out”.
destroy the works of the enemy that have allowed the walls to go up.
destroy the root.
overflow my life with love.
overflow my life with your love.
help me to know love.
help me to understand love.
help me to experience love…really experience love.
i want it to entrap me.
i want it to consume me.
i want it to pour out from my heart.
my mouth.
my lips.
my hands.
my eyes.
my words.
my being.
my everything.

help me, lord, to accept his love.
help me to know and undestand that he is a blessing.
help me to love him the way you love me.
help me to sacrifice.
help me to be selfless.
help me to become nothing in order to love him.

i am so tired of relying on the old way of things.
or the tradition of what “love” should be.
i cannot take religion anymore.
i cannot take “what i should do”.
or “what should happen”.

i want real.
i want genuine.
i want love.
i want real, genuine love.

and i want it to start…now.