the past two months
there has been a major
shifting, moving some
would say in my life.
nothing too much in the physical.
but spiritually.
battles are different.
downloads are different.
prayers are different.
giftings are different…and growing.
knowledge of my lord is different.
all these things.
and im still in the stage of:

“whats going on god?”
cause i honestly have not a clue.
i know who i am.
i know who i am to be.
but its like all these
things are surrounded me
and pressing me
and pushing me
and knawing at me.
nothing big.
just little tiny knats that seem to
come around just right after one another.

i get frustrated.
i wonder so many things.
when, god, when?
when will it be my turn?
when will i be who you want me to be?
when will i be on my own two feet again?
when will teachers make 100 grand a year (off subject, but seriously….wages stink!)
when will i see what i want to see?
when will i see my destiny unfold?
when will everything come to pass?

and guess what he told me?
nothing.
absolutely nothing.
i have no clue.

im stuck, so it seems.

so during this shifting in my life.
i will continue to grow and to
allow him to shape me.
and continue to ask why?

cause one day i will know.
one day.

so by now
i am sure you
have seen, heard, talked
about how miss teen
usa sc totally flubbed
up on a question
during the pageant.
and now, this
completely blonde
& obviously nervous (?)
lady will go down in
history for just that.

for answering a questions with a
“where she get that from?” answer.

through life we
all go through things,
experience things,
do things,
say things…but
ask yourself:
“what kind of legacy am i leaving?”

not in the ambitious,
selfish way where you
are figuring out your
next great exploit, but
how are you seriously
impacting the world,
your own personal
world around you?

lets see.
legacies.
marilyn monroe: great model. beautiful. curvacious.
marilyn monroe: drug addict. overdose. lonely. dead.
did she save anyone? did she help redeem anyone?
john lennon: musical legend. musical genius.
john lennon: drug addict. anti-government. dead.
did he save anyone? did he help redeem anyone?

these are people who are held in such
high regard in our society, but yet
experience and lived such tragic lives.
how can that be?
they were unhappy.
disloyal.
anti-government.
anti-authority.
so….incredibly not useful.

how will you impact your world?
will you live a horrible, tragic life?
or will you rise above normal
circumstances and normal tribulations
to excel?
[and by this i mean excel in the lord, my dear].

every move you make is watched.
every word you say is heard.
every thought you think is known.
think about yourself.
think about the world around you.

what are you impacting?

what about your legacy?

its been an interesting day.
first day back in action
in my second home.
complete with fridge & dishes,
and soon to be microwave!
children. lots of children.
all in uniforms i might add.
that are now mandatory.
and oh, so cute!
parents. lots of parents.
lots of questions.
uncertainity.
nervousness.
wonders.
all expose themself today as
they learn to regain composure
after parting with part of
themselves.
smiles.
thank god. could have been tears.
actually an amazing start.
to a hopefully amazing year.
im uncertain myself.
but know that i am
already in love with
the munchkins that
have entered into
my realm.
which, by the way,
is completely covered
with prayer.

so i head to the
dreaded gym where
i know he will take
advantage of me in
every way possible.
i know what youre thinking:
“get a new trainer”.
absolutely not.
for if i did not want
to vomit or completely
pass out…that, my friend
would not be a good workout!

followed by a refreshing
and off to dinner.

high school friends.
re-connecting after
seven years.
seven the number of completion.
its a divine appointment.
we share.
we eat.
we drink starbucks.
we talk.
for three hours.
fabulous.
so great to see her.
so great to hang out.

so i sit here.
wishing i was at my laptop,
which is sick, yet again.
and i say “wow!”.
and i shrug my shoulders in
the fact that i am fascinated
with my life, my walk,
my lord.

tomorrow will be a new day.
yours will be too.

pathways.

its been said

that there are

many paths in life.

but I believe

i think its

been revealed [to me]…

that there is

only one;

one path.

one path? (you may say).

one path.

my Savior makes

one path.

when we choose

to follow His

path—we make

our own.

we do not choose

to take

another pre-made

path.

we choose to make our own.

He makes one path.

because one is

sufficient.

His way is enough.

more than enough.

our path we

make is made

with our own

decisions.

so when we

hit bumps on

the path;

they are our own bumps.

He did not design

this path for you or for me.

our path =

our own agenda.

our own timing.

our control.

our own.

oh, but His path…

is beyond enough.

every turn.

every bump.

every crack

has been designed for you

and for me.

and for “such a time as this”.

He has custom

designed each

challenge.

victory.

trial.

tribulation.

event.

circumstance.

joy.

every detail of His creation,

His pre-determined way

has been specifically

designed to fit

my [&&yours]

strengths. weaknesses. calling. and

purpose.

so…there is one path.

already set forth.

for me.

for you.

will you make your own?

or will you let Him show you

around His neck of the woods???…

let Him show you

your

pathway.

the one.

one path.

made just for you. {&&me}.

Psalm 16:11… “You will show me the path of life….”  

lisa talks: it says that you will show me the path, not a path. i do not believe that our Father has made several different paths for us to choose from. i believe that He has made one. its really that simple. are you going to take that one path, that may be sacrificial or seem never-ending or even a dead end…or are you going to walk by faith on the pathway that He has set out for you. He has laid a major foundation so that you can freely walk through life and the best part is that on this one path…He walks with you. next to you. he talks to you; conversates with you. he loves on you. he yearns to talk & be intimate with you. imagine that…the creator of all things, knower of all things, god of all the heavens and earth…stands right beside you holding your hand, dancing with you, drying your tears, and breaking shackles and chains that hold you bound. sounds like a good deal to me.

why don’t you try your own pathway today?

lj.

wow. what a day.
actually what a morning.
i slept throught most of the day.
what is my deal?

so. im selfish.
ive been working on this whole
christlikeness thing for awhile.
and i must admit that i have been going through some really hard things. i have had my share of struggles & certainly my share of tests dealing with this issue. i just keep pressing…no matter how hard i screw up.
but one thing that keeps boggling my own mind, is my own selfishness.
do i care about people? sure.
do i love other people? of course.
would i do most things for most people? yeah, most.
so then my creator pops in, cause you know he does that. and hes allowed to. after all i am his daughter so i pretty let him take the lead in my dance of life most of the time [when it should be all the time...], but anyway, he says to me,
“are you heartbroken when you see heartbroken people? does your heart break when you realize that most of the people that you associate with are not in a relationship with me? does it bother you to see self-destruction, poverty, crimes….? what do you feel about this?”

hmmmm.
“well lord”, i reply, “never really thought about it. but to be honest heartbreak is something everyone has to deal with. so they should deal and move on. it does bother me to know that people i know, love, and associate with are not living for you and frankly self-destruction is a complete you reap what you sow thing”
[in case you are not following, im not real big into pity and feeling sorry for people, especially people who use their circumstances as cruthes...]
but then he calmly and lovingly replies in return… “my love, if you have no compassion and feel for them what i feel for them, how will you reach them?”
when he spoke, “feel for them what i feel for them“….i broke. i realized that i was so caught up in my life, my time, my studies and even my lord that i wasnt even thinking about other people and the tremendous amount of voids in their lives. i realized that although i intended to be pure and caring in my motives that i was actually extremely selfish.
selfish in my money.
selfish in my friendships.
selfish in my family.
selfish in my relationship.
&& selfish in the work on the kingdom. (oxymoron).

wow. i cried. he brought me to my knees. i was overwhelmed with the thought of someone i love not being able to experience the god i experience on a daily basis. how could i allow them to miss out on the greatest romance they could ever experience?

god i am nothing. absolutely a fleshly, pharisee thinking nothing. i am so sick and tired of me allowing my flesh to get in the way of being a complete reflection of who you truly are. it is not fair that people who i am surrounded by only get to see bits and pieces of your true character. it is not right that i throw myself in the loop of things so what they see is distorted.
lord change my heart. as i press into you i want you to completely surround me and envelop me and consume me. i no longer want to mesh my flesh and your character together so that im still there, but people see a distorted version of you. it has nothing to do with me. it has nothing to do with my character or how good or bad or whatever i am. it is simply about you lord. i want to remain nameless. faceless. i want to be about you.
i want to be about your work.
i want to be about your word.
and i want to love the way you love.
i want to see others the way you see them.
i dont want circumstances to distinguish
how i do things or how i act.
i dont want it to be me or about me.